rut

No creativity today. Just writer’s block.

There’s no such thing as writer’s block. That was invented by people in California who couldn’t write. Terry Pratchett

Fine.

If you get stuck, get away from your desk. Take a walk, take a bath, go to sleep, make a pie, draw, listen to ­music, meditate, exercise; whatever you do, don’t just stick there scowling at the problem. But don’t make telephone calls or go to a party; if you do, other people’s words will pour in where your lost words should be. Open a gap for them, create a space. Be patient. Hilary Mantel

Okay, I’ll call it quits for this evening and get an early night. If I’m honest, I’m just distracted right now. I feel like a mess, like I don’t have a firm hold on the basic foundations from which a person can exist and enjoy and perform in life: sleep, diet, exercise, whatever else. The things a person should be able to do without a second thought.

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken.’ C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye

… because wherever I sat – on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok – I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air. Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

& what’s my excuse?

It’s nothing particularly spectacular – family ties have been cut until they decide to behave, which I guess is enough in itself. I also struggle to accept where I’m at right now, and that a bank heist probably isn’t the best way to pay back a loan. I just need to be better for myself.

To hear the phrase “our only hope” always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope doesn’t work, there is nothing leftLemony Snicket

There are lots of things I can to to help myself right now, so I know at least I’m not backed into a corner. I just need to structure my life a little better.

& I need some help from people who care, just to see how I’m doing.

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