a teacher once threatened me with a fake gun when i kept forgetting which direction the capital D faced. i was told by my parents which lessons to study, and to tear out pages from my workbooks if the sums or words were wrong. until recently, like a swollen, throbbing gum, i wanted to relieve the pressure of creative thoughts and just let it all out, but worried about making a mess. now, finally, i just want to create without caring about the other people saying how it should be done. i'm going to stop ignoring and start a process of discovery and creation. it doesn't all need to be perfect, it just needs to exist.